Parent Tips: Competing with your child's friends!
How as a parent can you compete with what “cool” friends dictate? Peer pressure can impact many areas of your child’s life, from how to dress, what brand of clothes to wear, or what new electronics are must haves. The potentially harmful peer pressure such as drug, alcohol, gang activity and other criminal activities is something everyone from teen to parent will have to deal with.
Complications to the experience for parents can occur when they do not understand the depths to which these pressures go.
The use of Cigarettes and Alcohol
High school years are very competitive and where your teenager stands on the “it” scale with the rest of his/her peers is very important to any teen. To be considered a “loser” is one of their biggest fears.
To avoid this label, teens sometimes will portray an image of being tough, rebellious, and uncontrolled by their parents, and smoking and drinking are the easiest ways to declare their independence.
Sexual Activity
Every year the age at which teenagers begin having sex gets younger and younger. A recent report released by the Cook County Department of Public Health. Showed just how active sexual activity is in teens, some 37% of teens say they have tried sex. Of that number 61 % were African Americans, 49% were Hispanic and 24% were Caucasians. What is even more shocking is that 7% report that they were physically forced to have sex against their will. Some girls feel pressured into having sex in order to be popular or liked by boys. Boys who are not willing to have casual sex with several girls are considered weak.
Teenager’s may need encouragement to get involved in activities where he/she can find friends whose outlook and character are in line with your family's values. Do not be afraid to suggest activities or groups to them. Many teens are hesitant because they are not sure that they will enjoy it, sometimes they need coaxing.
As parents we sometimes do not believe our children value our opinion, but the opposite is true, they do place a high value on it, however, how we apply it is usually where the message gets missed. Your teen is well aware of what you consider acceptable behavior, your value system, and the rules and limits you have set for your teen.
Complications to the experience for parents can occur when they do not understand the depths to which these pressures go.
The use of Cigarettes and Alcohol
Cigarettes and alcohol will most likely be some of the first areas in which a teenager will face peer pressure. The constant exposure facing teens through media which glamorizes smoking and drinking in movies and television can cause a desensitization of the stigma associated with smoking and drinking. Because of this imagery bombardment many teenagers are shown only the more enjoyable, sometimes fun sides of these habits, rarely are they exposed to the negative sides of alcohol and tobacco. 40% of high school students have tried cigarettes.
To avoid this label, teens sometimes will portray an image of being tough, rebellious, and uncontrolled by their parents, and smoking and drinking are the easiest ways to declare their independence.Sexual Activity
Every year the age at which teenagers begin having sex gets younger and younger. A recent report released by the Cook County Department of Public Health. Showed just how active sexual activity is in teens, some 37% of teens say they have tried sex. Of that number 61 % were African Americans, 49% were Hispanic and 24% were Caucasians. What is even more shocking is that 7% report that they were physically forced to have sex against their will. Some girls feel pressured into having sex in order to be popular or liked by boys. Boys who are not willing to have casual sex with several girls are considered weak.Oral sex has become very popular among teens due to their belief that oral sex isn’t serious because there is no risk of pregnancy.
Be open with your teenager about all forms of sexual intercourse. Explain that there are other reasons not to become sexually involved too early. Besides worrying about pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS, remind your teenager that he/she also needs to consider pride and self-respect.
Drugs
A more dangerous and potentially life-threatening pressure teens face is drugs. Teens have recently been bombarded with the issue of Marijuana. The question of Medical Marijuana has created a state of ambiguity amongst teens. If it is safe why can’t they try it? In fact, in the last two years that this debate has occurred over Medical Marijuana it directly coincides with two years of flat reduction in Marijuana use by teens. Marijuana is an inexpensive drug in today’s society, and most teenagers do not consider it harmful. Some believe it does not cause addiction, and teens don’t realize that it is the gateway to other drugs like cocaine, heroin, or methamphetamine.
One of the biggest issues facing teens when . Teens don’t understand that one does not have to be a regular user in order to become addicted, especially when it comes to cocaine.
Parents need to be able to recognize signs of drug use in order to protect their child from becoming addicted to drugs, or to intervene if necessary. The longer a teen is using drugs, the harder it will be to stay sober after treatment.
Reasons that put your teen at higher risk to give into peer pressure:
- Low self-importance
- Lack of confidence
- No particular interests or hobbies
- Feeling isolated from family
- Curiosity
- The need to “Fit In”
- Being made fun of or called a “loser”
Combating peer pressure
Teenager’s may need encouragement to get involved in activities where he/she can find friends whose outlook and character are in line with your family's values. Do not be afraid to suggest activities or groups to them. Many teens are hesitant because they are not sure that they will enjoy it, sometimes they need coaxing.Together, your teen and his/her friends can give moral support to each other which will make it much easier to resist negative peer pressure. Helping your teen learn to stand up for themselves and saying "no," will give them the courage to do the same thing and help others.
Discuss events, actions and their consequences often. Taking the time to help your teen work through these events will help your child to make the right choices when the situation arises.
As parents we sometimes do not believe our children value our opinion, but the opposite is true, they do place a high value on it, however, how we apply it is usually where the message gets missed. Your teen is well aware of what you consider acceptable behavior, your value system, and the rules and limits you have set for your teen.Telling your teenager not to give into these peer pressures will have little or no effect. Threats and punishment by parents put additional pressure on teenagers.
Tug-of-War
Teens are faced with a constant tug of ware between parents and peers. This can be a harrowing time for a teen. As a parent try to avoid or ease the stress of this tug of war by conveying to your teen that you understand the pressures he/she is facing. Offer open discussions about situations and incidents - without the threat of punishment or judgment.
Telling your teen you care about them is paramount. You should try to foster a strong relationship based upon trust and respect. It is important that if your teen feels uneasy or unsure about doing something their friends suggest, he/she is probably about to do something that is wrong, maybe illegal and could possibly have a lasting negative effect on their life.
Helping your teen realize that the desire to fit in and not being called a loser is important and you understand that, but that they need to set a limit to how much influence his or her friends will place on your teens actions and potentially their future.
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